Being Bionic

IwashedmyhairIwashedmyhairIwashedmyhair…
I…. WASHED… MY… HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whooo hoooo! I’m so happy. It was almost like those Herbal Essences commercials. It felt sooo good, even if it hurt a little bit from pressing on my skull. It feels sooo much better now. I don’t have to be a greaseball anymore! I had to forego the dryer obviously due to pain.

The wounds are healing nicely I think. They still feel all hard and crusty to the touch but they don’t look as bad. I’m not picking the scabs, as much as I have the urge to. It just itches!

I let Molly sleep with me in the bed this morning. When I woke up, she was licking behind my ear. Little rascal! Of course I pulled her off me, but now I know why dogs lick their wounds: it feels good! Their tongues are perfect for scratching the itchiness but soothing the pain at the same time. I wanted to let her keep doing it (Maybe SHE could get the scabs off. ewww, right?) but I knew better. Good thing I was going to be able to get it wet today, to wash doggie spit germs off.

The ringing and being off balance are rather bad today, though. I just don’t feel very good. I am sure it has to do with water retention or something like that. I have a headache too that seems to throb and make it all worse. Not sure if it’s the activity of showering and the housework I’ve been doing, but I hope it goes away. It’s not as bad as right after surgery, but still annoying!

So far I am doing pretty good. The dizziness and ringing are constant, but not intolerable. They are just a little more severe than they normally were 24\7 before the surgery.

My main discomfort as of right now is the pain and itching on my head. That and not being able to wash my hair on my own!!! I HATE being a greaseball! YUCK! But I’ve been working with it by wearing a ‘dana on my head. Wearing a ‘dana is normal for me even pre-surgery so it’s all good. Anyone that knows me well knows that sometimes I look like I walked right off a hippie commune (and not just cuz of the ‘dana.) That’s me, and it works with me, so thank goodness for that! It is a little uncomfy pressin’ on the surgery site tho.

I drove for the first time since before the surgery today. My driving wasn’t too bad in my opinion, at least not any worse than normal. Hehehe! I stuck with Dr. Baker’s instruction to stay away from heavy traffic. Only drove down the street. It was nice to get out of the house! I’ve got serious cabin fever.

I’ve also done a pretty good job keeping the surgery site dry as per his directions, so I’m glad for that. I can not WAIT for Monday, the day I can WASH MY HAIR again!!!!!!!! The only problems have been keeping Molly’s nose out from behind my ear and especially her tongue off of it. She got a few licks and nose squishes in when I wasn’t paying attention though. Oops! Felt good tho, just to have SOMETHING on it!

I still have not slept on my left side yet. That is starting to get to me. I have tried, but it’s still just too painful. It does still hurt a lot. I hope the pain goes away a lot more by the time activation day rolls around, otherwise the outside part is going to be uncomfortable to wear.

Other than that, I’ve spent the last couple of days posting about my surgery on several online communities that I belong to, and as a result fielding lots of questions about it. That resulted in me writing a few things that I also wanted to include in this journal for memories or keepsakes. I’ve copied some of them in another entry.

That’s all for now.

I saw Dr. Baker today for a follow up visit. He says the site is healing pretty well and that all the pain should go away soon, and when I asked about the ringing and dizziness he said that since he thinks it’s mostly in my right ear (the one that got the implant), and that most of the ringing and dizziness will go away once it’s activated. Ok, I can see how maybe the ringing will go away since the auditory nerves will be busy, but the dizziness?? I am rather doubtful about that. I guess we will see.

My activation is scheduled for April 1st. Until then I have been instructed not to drive because of the dizziness. A side note: I did see Dr. Baker mention during my last visit before this one that sometimes a Cochlear Implant is actually used to cure Meniere’s Disease. Ehhhh…. ok….

Something I had intended to ask him about but forgot, and now it’s bugging me: WHICH implant exactly did he put in??? I know this seems silly but the fact that I wanted the one from Advanced Bionics was definate. What I didn’t think of was that A.B. currently has 2 different implants available, the newer one having JUST been approved. The newer one is the HiRes, and the older one is the CII. So now I am all paranoid that he might have put in the CII, like maybe I got implanted too soon and didn’t get the HiRes or something, I don’t know. I am just paranoid, but praying my butt off that it’s the HiRes.

According to the website there isn’t that much of a difference between the two, but dangit, I want the newest and best one! I guess I could email Tami, my “rehab” speech pathologist, and see if she can find out for me. That’s all I really know to do, whenever I call Dr. Baker’s secretary, she never calls back and so I don’t get an answer half the time. I understand she’s probably pretty busy but it’s still pretty annoying to not have any confidence in getting any help from her!

Well today’s entry is pretty much going to be both a personal entry and a CI journal entry, because all my personal life has been about since the surgery is the recovery. So, today is exactly one week since I had the surgery.

I had the surgery Monday, March 1st, and everything seemed to go fine at first,during the first hour after I woke up, but lots of complications arose during the course of the week, like a blister on my eardrum and nerves that were supposed to be numb but weren’t (so I felt and still feel ALL the pain), major constipation from the painkillers and dizziness and ringing so bad I wanted to die. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the intense neck pain from my head being twisted around AND a cold that left my throat so sore I couldn’t swallow the very day after surgery.

So I spent the last week basically bedridden and didn’t get out of it until Sunday, March 7th, except for when I had to go see Dr. Baker Tuesday and Friday to have the area checked and bandaged changed and then removed.. The whole week Nick had to help me do everything, even find the bathroom because I didn’t know left from right or up from down. Finally today I’m back on the computer because I can see the screen through the dizziness enough to be able to read it and type. That and I need to distract myself from going truly insane from the dizziness and ringing and pain. I can’t stand to be in bed anymore. I have to go on with life even if I’m miserable.

Nick and I are afraid of the possibility that the ringing and dizziness from the meniere’s disease being made even worse (and me, the pain) might be permanent as we feared before the surgery, but the doctor keeps saying it will go away and we are hanging on to that, because we have to. I hope this damned implant is going to be worth everything I am going through right now. There have been many times I broke down crying through out the week and regretted doing this. Nick has been wonderful with me through this, I don’t know what I would have done without him. He’s been an absolute angel and I love him so much, and I know he loves me.

I don’t know what I am going to do if this miserable hell ends up being permanent and/or the implant doesn’t work on top of it all, but I am trying not to think about that right now because all I can do is deal with what’s going on right now in the here and now. I have enough to deal with just making my way through the house without falling or getting hurt, not killing myself from the insanity that ensues when the ringing gets too loud, and doing anything I can to ignore the feeling of someone bashing my head in with a hammer. Painkillers and valium help a lot, but the side effects of those drugs are almost as undesirable as what they help. I’ve found that as long as I stay still and don’t move around too much, it all calms down and it’s not so bad. But the point is, I have to live life, I can not and will not spend the rest of my life in bed. I am going to live my life dammit, come hell or high water. Well, try anyway.

That said, on to the fun stuff. Humor and fun is what gets us through the hard times, right? Thought you guys might enjoy the picture of my head, taken 5 days after the surgery. (The bandage didn’t come off until then). Yummy, eh?

(Note: You can click on the picture and it will take you to another website that has a larger version of the pic on there.)

P.S. Even though it looks like they shaved a lot, you really can’t see anything when my hair is down. Thank goodness!! At least THAT went right for me! But… I can’t get it wet until Monday, March 15 (two weeks after surgery)… so washing my hair has been a BITCH. (Again, thank goodness for Nick.)